The expression you used, "I traded my youth for a mess of pottage," caught my eye, and I went and reread the story of Jacob and Esau in the Book of Genesis. Esau, the firstborn, "was a cunning hunter, a man of the field; and Jacob was a plain man, dwelling in tents." One day Esau came in from the fields, faint with hunger. "And Esau said to Jacob, Feed me, I pray thee, with that same red pottage; for I am faint. ... And Jacob said, Sell me this day thy birthright. And Esau said, Behold, I am at the point to die: and what profit shall this birthright do to me? And Jacob said, Swear to me this day; and he sware unto him: and he sold his birthright unto Jacob. Then Jacob gave Esau bread and pottage of lentiles; and he did eat and drink, and rose up, and went his way: thus Esau despised his birthright."

Fate was not kind to Esau, nor was it kind to you. Your hunger cost you your birthright. You were starving for the world, so you tasted of it, and your parents cast you out. Then your husband, who you thought would be your rescuer, became your tormentor.

In truth, you weren't ready for the world's cruel justice. You were just a child. You didn't know what you were doing. You weren't capable of making the right choice. Your parents treated you with harsh, Old Testament vengeance. They wronged you. They were supposed to come to your rescue when you made bad choices. Instead they cast you out.

I'm not a Christian, but I'm all for New Testament redemption and forgiveness. It seems to me, in a general sense, the New Testament is all about getting a second shot, which is very American, and, in particular, very West Coast. Behold California, the New Jerusalem! This is not your parents' Old Testament world!

I came west to reinvent myself. You can too. Walk down the street in San Francisco and all the crazies you see, they aren't all that crazy; they're just under construction. They're rebuilding themselves. They've torn out walls and redone foundations; their roofs are open to the sky; their windows are open. They leak. They creak. They lean. They need paint. But they're getting a second chance. There's nothing more precious than that. Heaven knows, if the world can offer you any mercy, it's the mercy of the second chance.

Besides, climb up Fillmore or Broadway to Pacific Heights and nose around. Who are the swells, the gentry, the fortunate who live up there? Are they the Calvinist elect, ordained by God? No, they're the progeny of miners and brawlers, pimps and saloon girls, hustlers and thieves and money lenders and whores, the grandchildren and great-grandchildren of restless misfits and dreamers who came west to make their fortunes in mining, timber and oil. They started out as crazies. Now they run this town.

I asked my wife what she thought you should do, and she said you should come to San Francisco and go to City College or State, just like she and I did; these schools are full of people starting over, the wounded, the struggling, the new beginners. That's what we do when we free ourselves from bondage: We go to State; we go to City. We get degrees. We get back on our feet. This is the land of forgiveness; this is the land of starting over; this is where America's promise comes true.It does sound like you're at a crossroads. But if you're a creative type, you should probably start pricing houses there. If you're a creative type, the crossroads is where you live.

Regular folks just drive on through the crossroads. They're going somewhere smart and important. Creative types stop in the middle of the intersection and say, gee, check it out, there's a lot of energy here! The crossroads is where Robert Johnson met the devil, after all. So get yourself a lawn chair and put it on the traffic island. You're going to be there a while.

The ability to live at the crossroads is the key to creative endeavor. I know you were only speaking metaphorically, and that you really want to solve your romantic entanglements. Still, what I'm saying is that you don't necessarily have to solve your entanglements; you just have to learn to be who you are, do what you do, and live through it with calm and focused integrity. You get what I'm saying? The reason you want to do that is because what's really important is for you to be doing your painting and your music.

It troubles me, however, that you call yourself a flaky creative type, because it sounds like you're selling yourself short. It's possible you're just flaky, but if you were just flaky, I don't think you'd call yourself a flaky creative type. I think you'd probably just shut up and drink. I think you may be genuinely creative but ashamed of your inability to manage your affairs the way normal people do. If so, you don't need to apologize. But you do need to accept your talents and your limitations. You need to design your life accordingly. And you need to get to work.

On that note: Do you need to surround yourself with wildly creative people whose excited chatter fills you with a sense of endless possibility? No, you don't. Is it a good idea for your mate to be just as wild-eyed as you are? No, it's not. Don't fritter away your creativity in witty conversation. You need to find that sense of endless possibility in your work itself. I know what you're talking about, that sense that with similarly imaginative people you feel you can soar. But all that soaring doesn't get you anywhere. You land with empty pockets, just like you started with. If you're a creative person, the only thing that gets you anywhere is the work. And to do the work you need a stable but stimulating environment. That's why you live at the crossroads.

You don't say much about your own feelings in all this. Again, if you're a creative type, perhaps your focus is on finding some order in the sounds and shapes that appear spontaneously in your mind. So you might be a little retarded in the area of human relationships, particularly relationships with women. If your girlfriend loves you and understands you and is willing to take you back, it might be the best thing for you. Creative, sensitive but emotionally unsophisticated men get hurt easily in relationships; it's sometimes better to settle down with someone you love, even if she doesn't always make your head spin. Otherwise, you spend so much precious time just trying to get comfortable emotionally that the rest of your life suffers, and you never get around to doing the work. And the work is what's important. You have to dedicate yourself to the work. That will keep you sane.

You label yourself flaky and creative, and society lets you off the hook a little. You're not expected to dress in a suit and tie and show up 9 to 5. But in return, you have to produce. In producing, you not only keep your half of the bargain with society, but you keep yourself from going mad.

So make a commitment. Choose an artistic path and stay on it. That's the best chance you have for happiness. Choose a relationship that works for you -- don't expect it to give you ultimate happiness -- that's what your work is for. And if the devil greets you at the crossroads and offers to tune your guitar, tell him no thanks, you can tune it yourself.